From the Ground Up

I've been quiet for quite a while now (who knew I could do that?) because I truthfully haven't had much to say.  But things have been going on.  I've started my new job and its really kind of awesome.  I've continued to lose weight, still at a slow pace, but that's what I'm going for, I never want to see those pounds again!  And I've been undergoing physical therapy to treat this silly injury that you've all heard more than enough about.

Out of all these developments, its the physical therapy that has made the biggest impact on me.  When I went for my initial evaluation, I was told nothing about the way my body is reacting right now is right.  I don't even stand right.  I doubted statement until presented with the evidence and well, my PT was right.  My running problems started literally under my feet.  

Upon further reflection, I've realized that I didn't only need a physical makeover starting at the soles of my feet, I needed a mental one.  

I hate to say it, but I think for the last year I've been running for the wrong reasons.  I started this blog about nine months ago, hawking it as a chronicle of my journey of healthy living.  But in retrospect I see race this, race that, training, training, training, race, race, race.  Do I enjoy training for and running races?  Absolutely.  But lately my training (even thinking about it, since my training is confined to bike and pool for now) has turned into a chore and an exercise in frustration.  I force myself out to pound out x number of miles and when I find I don't keep the pace I think I should or the pace I used to I get upset, I push to hard, make myself miserable and sometimes (often, now) I end up hurting myself.  

I'm not saying I want it to be easy.  I expect this sport to be hard.  I expect to need to force myself out the door some days and I honestly believe those runs you don't want to do are some of the most important.  This is a sport about dedication and discipline just as much as community and fun.  I want the whole package back and I think I'm starting to get there again.

Memorial Day weekend I walked (almost every darn step) of the Beverly Ridge Run with two friends (one injured, one pregnant) and we had a great time.  It wasn't a huge accomplishment or anything of the sort but I very much needed that race to refocus myself.

My body is being fixed, bit by bit, from the ground up.  At the same time, I am working on my mind.  I hope that by the time I'm physically ready to run again I'll be mentally ready as well.

Confessions of an (Injured) Runner

I’m a bad kid and its not because I haven’t blogged in way, way too long.  Want to know why I’m a bad kid?  Because I’m injured - but I did two races on consecutive weekends.

Granted, we’re talking about about a 5k or two, and I walked a good portion of both (no PRs here or anything) but I’m still limited to 15 minutes of walking everyday so I perhaps didn’t make the smartest choice.

I got really excited that I was able to finish those races with minimal pain and I maybe got a little cocky.  I damn near walked my foot off Saturday while I was with my family and guess what - this girl isn’t healed.  

But here’s the thing:  I haven’t been able to resolve this injury for years.  Its been a lot of patching it together and let’s do this race and that one and after two or three something else (all relating back to the same injury) pops up and I end up typing up a blog post like this.  This time is different though.

This time, there wasn’t much of a break between one injury and the next.  I only managed one race, and it wasn’t a very good one.  Today I saw an old woman limping down the sidewalk and all I could think was ‘that’s exactly how I feel.’  I’m not okay with feeling like an old woman who can hardly walk.  I have goals for my life and some of them are things that I’m afraid might have an expiration date and they all require me to be a strong, healthy twenty-something year old woman.

As a result, I’ve made a very difficult decision:  I will not register for anymore races until I am fully healed; until I’ve been given the all clear from my doctor and physical therapist and I’ve regained both the speed and stamina I’ve lost from previous injuries and I’m sure I’m losing right now.  

I don’t know how long this is going to take.  It might be a few months, it might be a year or even longer.  But I think its really the best and safest choice I can make for myself right now.   In the mean time, I’ll still be here, blogging about my progress and I’ll be volunteering at races - starting with Ragnar this weekend!  If you’re running Ragnar Chicago, I’ll be at the finish line, I hope to see you there.  I’ll be cheering on Team Online Relationship and wishing I was out there running with them!